We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
