NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
