The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
