we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
