WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
