We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
