I got chris browned last night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
