drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
