normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize