She is in my trunk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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