Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
