three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Enjoy the penises
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
