im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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