her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
