we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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