The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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