OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you told grandpa to call you daddy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
