I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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