I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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