The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
