I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
