Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
bring money and cleavage
Actions speak louder than pants.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
