I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
