i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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