I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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