i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
