totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
