fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
