..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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