Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
