They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
