I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
