I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
