So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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