THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
