i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
