Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
