i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
