she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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