These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
