yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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