i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
