3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
