I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
