my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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