Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
