we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
