They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
