i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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