We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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