Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
