I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
