Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i think i just lost a toe
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
