it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
