I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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