he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
