Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
