I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
