I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Randomize
