Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
